I’m currently reading The Social Animal by David Brooks, and his point of view, which is becoming more and more popular, is that many of the decisions we make are made at a sub-concious and emotional level, then justified by our logical mind.

This is how advertising works. For example, in our aging population people might see a new “age-defying cream”, with a gorgeous model with lovely skin. The image strikes a chord in them, it brings out their longing for the energy, vitality and sexual appeal of youth.

In that micro-moment the sale is made.

Then their sub-concious delivers to the concious mind the desire to have the result, and the concious mind attempts to justify the purchase. And another $50 is spent on a cream that may or may not have any positive effect at all.

So, how does this relate to being a better communicator? Let me throw in another data point before I answer that question.

Studies have shown that between 55% and 80% (depending on the study) of our communication is non-verbal. So that first impression that they are going to measure you for the rest of your relationship by – is how you look.

When we want to be influential at work, at home, in our lives overall, we need to consider how we look.

What do I mean by how we look?

Well, it is true that the basics, like age, race, height, weight do make a difference, even if we don’t want them to.

I actually was really surprised to gain insight into my own biases when I took some of the Harvard Implicit association test quizes. You might check them out here:

https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/demo/

Of course, our basic demographics, size, race, age we can’t do much about (regardless of the advertising to the contrary).

I think a more important and useful step will be to really look at the non-verbal messages that we give out in the way we dress, our posture, breathing, and even gestures and voice tone.

Let’s look at some ways that we can create a great first impression with our bodies:

1. Dress to make an impression. This doesn’t mean always wear a suit, or to take out the nose ring. There may be situations where a suit is not appropriate. I was with Brendon Bruchard this weekend and he mentioned leading a youth seminar where his wearing a tie actually created a negative impression. It created more of a sense of distance between him and the students.

   What I am advocating is that you think about it. One rule of thumb I’ve heard is when going to a professional or business meeting, dress one level classier than the people around you. So if they are in sport coats, wear a tie. If they are in business casual, wear a sport coat. If they are in shorts, wear jeans.

   On the other hand if you are trying to make a great first Punk impression, than get a feeling for how much make-up and how many earrings, and how outlandish the people around you will be dressing, and decided if you want to go one step higher (more make-up, more earrings) if you have the other verbal and non-verbal confidence to carry that off, or blend in more by matching the people around you.

   When I am invited to a new situation where I want to make a great first impression I often ask what the people around me are going to be wearing. Then I’ll sometimes have an extra blouse or shirt in the car just as a back-up if I feel out of place. I’ve found that the more I am dressed at the same level as those around me, the more comfortable I feel with them as well. So it’s a two way street.

2. Be aware of your posture. Get into the habit of having a posture that expresses what you want to express. Again, this doesn’t mean that you always need to have the upright “I’m confident and in control” posture.

   For example, a friend was lamenting that she never got asked out on a date in social situations. I watched her at a church gathering. She looked very confident and assured and in-control. She did not look open, approachable and friendly. We dive into this subject in more detail in our non-verbal communication courses. This gives you some ideas to start with.

3. Breathing. Breathing is probably the most powerful and subtle information cue that people never really think about. Wheather consciously or unconciously you are probably picking up on the breathing patterns of those around you, and making decisions about them based upon what you learn. Breathing high in the chest is usually interpreted as less authoritative and more agitated, and breathing deep in the belly is seen as calmer, more authoritative and more trustworthy. A side benefit is that your brain gets more oxygen and you will feel clearer, smarter and more on top of things.

To Do’s:

When it is important to you to make a great first impression consider:

1. Wearing clothing that is similar to the clothing of those around you.
2. What posture you want to present. Generally a good idea to have a confident posture – then consider the nuances of an open posture or an “in-control” posture.
3. Breathe deeply into your stomach. Especially good right before you make a phone call or meet someone for the first time to take a deep full breath.

Let me explain. The old model of management, sometimes called Industrial Age Management, worked fantastically in the Industrial age when the goal was to create a structure where semi-skilled employees could perform repetitive tasks accurately.

It’s a command and control structure and includes some of the following characteristics:

• Abundance of rules and regulations
• Clear roles and hierarchy
• Well defined roles
• Lack of trust of employees
• Linear and measurable tasks and results

In some business this model works wonderfully. As a youth I worked at McDonald’s, and one of their strengths is their ability to apply Industrial Age Management to get semi-skilled teenagers to perform repetitive burger flipping accurately.

However, in most modern businesses we need people to think.

• Today’s business environment moves quickly.
• Products must be relevant and quick to market.
• Companies must be adaptable and resilient.
• Employees must be focused and creative.

In this age of rapid change, hierarchy and bureaucracy are increasingly unprofitable. To be successful as a manager we must learn to communicate our vision clearly and inspire our employees to be creative and take risks.

Today’s successful businesses styles include:

• Trusting the individuals in your organization
• Less compliance, more alignment around values
• Shared information and problem solving
• Creativity and risk-taking
• Collaboration

Being clear communicators is no longer enough. We must be persuasive managers to succeed.

Two Steps To Get Started

Step 1: Admit that there is a problem. You don’t have to proclaim it to the rooftops (although sometimes that helps), but notice it. Notice how the structure of your business is not working – the ways that the bureaucracy slows you down,

Step 2: Step up and take action. You’ve already started this step by visiting this blog. (Thanks for your visit!). Read it. Do the exercises. Take the steps to learn how to empower your team, to communicate clearly and change the world by changing the world around you.

You might have noticed that things have changed in the new economy.  More and more we see:

• Matrix Organizations
• Quick Product Cycles
• Responsibility Without Authority

Management – traditionally a fairly well defined discipline with books, courses and whole degrees devoted to it, has gone from a stable science to the wild, wild west.

In this environment some people managers will thrive, some will manage to survive, and some will end up flipping burgers at the local burger joint.

Which one will you be?